Empty Place at the Table

I felt it.  There was a moment when the wall was up, and then it was down.  I felt it in the instant headache and the sudden pressure in my chest.  Then the tears came.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  He won’t be here.

It’s another family gathering without my son. Continue reading “Empty Place at the Table”

Learning to Feel

“You seem fine.”

I shouldn’t be fine.  I should be a mess.  Why am I not?

The news I had just shared with a pastor was devastating, but I was plodding along, putting one foot in front of the other and trying to keep my family running.  Maybe I was still in shock?  Was my “type B” personality keeping me going? Continue reading “Learning to Feel”

Seeing and Being Seen

I was excited.  I was also scared.  I had invited two friends to go away for the weekend to relax and process.  After a really tough week two months before, I’d begun going deeper and exploring what it means to feel.  I was also working on being vulnerable and not self-protecting.

That was the scary part about the weekend.  Lately I’d felt myself slipping back into my “just put one foot in front of the other” way of coping and not connecting with how I was feeling or being vulnerable with others.  Those walls, both my inner ones and the ones between me and others were methodically rising again. Continue reading “Seeing and Being Seen”